What exactly are you mourning?

Not the number. You can say the number out loud without flinching. Try it. Sixty. Nothing.

Mourn the right thing or you will be at this for years.
It is the not-thinking. It is reaching for a weight without holding an argument first.
That is what went. And that, unlike the shoulder, does not show up on anything.

The Book of the Phoenix — Arrival 59:11